We want so many things... this was a statement that a friend of mine had made during one of our nightly conversations on the aspects of life. Nothing profound in the statement in itself since many of us including I have used it a number of times especially when we women go shopping and find so many things that are way beyond our budget, but Oh! so desirable! I WANT THAT AND THAT AND THIS!!!! I am sure that, had Lord Buddha been a woman, he would have realised without having to sit at Bodh Gaya or wherever it was, that too many desires were the cause of unhappiness and misery.
But that night, the simple statement stuck a chord with which I could identify. And I think a lot of young women, I know will agree with me. Not being a man, I choose not to include them and their opinion in this post as I can not claim to have a knowledge about them. Women itself are quite cumbersome to understand. We do want so many things...
We seem to unerringly, unwittingly and to a certain extent unwillingly/willingly complicate our lives. By just wanting so many things. Who would have thought that wanting things that seemed to be so basic or rather so easily "gettable" would have so much problems? I think that our education and our experiences has made us want so many things. Or at least it has been so in my case. It would have been so much easier had our education and experiences been limited. Our thirst for what is out there be it in terms of success, love, ambition, friendships etc gets to us so much that we weave a web of hopes, desires, expectations and fantasies. And then we can not find the end or beginning of it for us to unravel it. My friend and I felt that why could we have not been satisfied by just being in a small town, have a decently good education, a hassle free job (the 9 - 5 one which everyone mandates for a woman), be content in making small decisions that do not upset people, most of all our parents, fall in love with the right guy with the right job and lineage, and religion and region etc....?
Yes, why could not we do all that? I think that is what most of the girls in the small towns do...and this is not a generalisation. Just what I think it might be. Maybe most women do not do anything that is "rebellious". But then again, every child and parent has a different take on rebellion. I am sure there are many cases, where most women have desired lot of things but have not been able to get them because of lack of opportunities, or lack of resources or because of lack of guts. Or maybe even because, there has been this placid agreement that ultimately what a woman wants is a home she can call her own....and all other wants are just frivolities...little excesses of human nature that can be curbed.
I think my parents have had some really difficult times with me, in retrospect I realize that I may not have been fair to them. But for me to come to that realization, I suppose then some things had to occur. In my headlong rush to experience and experiment, I wonder where all I have gone wrong. Let me rephrase that. I know where all I have gone wrong, but I just wonder why at that moment I had not the will power nor the sense to put a stop to my wants. I guess it was important at that time. But it has made me who I am now. Does that make me a better person, less confused or more wise? I do not know. I just know, that what I am now is not what I was then. And that in itself is a relief. Because I no longer want those things that were important to me then. But like new skin coming over a wound, new wants have replaced my old ones.
I am now 26 and I wonder whether I am still continuing to complicate my life by wanting more, be needing more, by feeling more. Standing at this crossroad of ambition of wanting to make it good in my career, of desiring a love that is not arranged, of expanding my horizon of knowledge and experiences and of wanting a home to call my own, a heart other then mine to call my own, I find myself busy and alone; happy and wistful; hopeful and pragmatic. Hmmm... yet more complications. I think all my women friends who might read this might agree with some of this.
But for this one friend, just want to tell that you are not alone... I think other than me there are lot of other working women out there...who want all that I stated above and more. We want, we wish, we need, we must have everything. Where does it all end? It does not. But there are days when one feels fulfilled and for that time, however short it is...we have more than we want. There are days when we feel that our wants have been fulfilled and it leaves us deliriously happy and then there are days when just wanting something with all one's heart just leave other people in shrouds of doubt and unhappiness. And unfortunately, sometimes what we want is just so much in the hands of another person that one just buries that desire along with memories and hopes for another desire to take root.
Till then, I continue to want so many things and wait for some of them to become mine.
But that night, the simple statement stuck a chord with which I could identify. And I think a lot of young women, I know will agree with me. Not being a man, I choose not to include them and their opinion in this post as I can not claim to have a knowledge about them. Women itself are quite cumbersome to understand. We do want so many things...
We seem to unerringly, unwittingly and to a certain extent unwillingly/willingly complicate our lives. By just wanting so many things. Who would have thought that wanting things that seemed to be so basic or rather so easily "gettable" would have so much problems? I think that our education and our experiences has made us want so many things. Or at least it has been so in my case. It would have been so much easier had our education and experiences been limited. Our thirst for what is out there be it in terms of success, love, ambition, friendships etc gets to us so much that we weave a web of hopes, desires, expectations and fantasies. And then we can not find the end or beginning of it for us to unravel it. My friend and I felt that why could we have not been satisfied by just being in a small town, have a decently good education, a hassle free job (the 9 - 5 one which everyone mandates for a woman), be content in making small decisions that do not upset people, most of all our parents, fall in love with the right guy with the right job and lineage, and religion and region etc....?
Yes, why could not we do all that? I think that is what most of the girls in the small towns do...and this is not a generalisation. Just what I think it might be. Maybe most women do not do anything that is "rebellious". But then again, every child and parent has a different take on rebellion. I am sure there are many cases, where most women have desired lot of things but have not been able to get them because of lack of opportunities, or lack of resources or because of lack of guts. Or maybe even because, there has been this placid agreement that ultimately what a woman wants is a home she can call her own....and all other wants are just frivolities...little excesses of human nature that can be curbed.
I think my parents have had some really difficult times with me, in retrospect I realize that I may not have been fair to them. But for me to come to that realization, I suppose then some things had to occur. In my headlong rush to experience and experiment, I wonder where all I have gone wrong. Let me rephrase that. I know where all I have gone wrong, but I just wonder why at that moment I had not the will power nor the sense to put a stop to my wants. I guess it was important at that time. But it has made me who I am now. Does that make me a better person, less confused or more wise? I do not know. I just know, that what I am now is not what I was then. And that in itself is a relief. Because I no longer want those things that were important to me then. But like new skin coming over a wound, new wants have replaced my old ones.
I am now 26 and I wonder whether I am still continuing to complicate my life by wanting more, be needing more, by feeling more. Standing at this crossroad of ambition of wanting to make it good in my career, of desiring a love that is not arranged, of expanding my horizon of knowledge and experiences and of wanting a home to call my own, a heart other then mine to call my own, I find myself busy and alone; happy and wistful; hopeful and pragmatic. Hmmm... yet more complications. I think all my women friends who might read this might agree with some of this.
But for this one friend, just want to tell that you are not alone... I think other than me there are lot of other working women out there...who want all that I stated above and more. We want, we wish, we need, we must have everything. Where does it all end? It does not. But there are days when one feels fulfilled and for that time, however short it is...we have more than we want. There are days when we feel that our wants have been fulfilled and it leaves us deliriously happy and then there are days when just wanting something with all one's heart just leave other people in shrouds of doubt and unhappiness. And unfortunately, sometimes what we want is just so much in the hands of another person that one just buries that desire along with memories and hopes for another desire to take root.
Till then, I continue to want so many things and wait for some of them to become mine.
