For Granted

We take the our shadows for granted. Day in and day out we see our shadows...the day we don't is the day we are no longer in this world and our body lies prostrate. Most of us leave it to another day to be better daughters, sons, wives, husbands sisters, brothers . Not that today we are not. But its okay if I am angry at someone today or that I have been nasty to someone today, because I still have tomorrow to make it all go away. "Tomorrow". I remember laughing at how corny the movie, kal ho na ho was..... but what if that is what happens ...what if I don't have tomorrow? If Lord Yama was to come down and tell me that I had but one more day to live.... (I am sure I could not tempt him Munch or Five Star or perk or whatever that chocolate was, that Priety Zinta used in an ad) where do I start to make up for all the things that I took for granted? Do I tell my parents that I love them which I don't do at all because...well, they know I guess... and that I wished that I had been a better daughter? (They say I am a good daughter). Do I call my brother and tell him that for all my grouse against him, he is really a sweetheart and that I love him? (He will think that I am crazy). Do I play my Veena one last time? Do I try and make right all my wrongs? Do I let go of my ghosts that have been a legacy of my past or confront them? Which friend of mine should I call and thank for being a part of my lows and highs...for being there when I was a nice human being and a not so nice human being? Do I dance one last time? Do I call up one special person and talk till the wee hours of morning? I think I am just beginning to realise the extent of my taking people, feelings, emotions, love for granted. And vice versa. I think I need to acknowledge that I and all of me has also been taken for granted.

My grandmother....now detected with colon cancer...do I have time with her to make up for all the things that I did in part measure? I remember a time before I grew up where I used to frolic with my ammuma's ample tummy. She taught me all the prayers that I still faithfully recite every night before I sleep. Somewhere along the way, I grew up, I grew up to be I think quite an impatient person not easily being able to understand differences coming up on account of generation gap and age. And now when I think I have the maturity to accept the inevitable, do I have the time to make up for all that I did not do? Do we all have those regrets of not doing something well in time....I don't mean not submitting a proposal or something related to work. Have we stopped saying I miss you, I love you, I cherish you because there is a tomorrow and that we will see each other another day, or on any other day the perfect opportunity will present itself for us to say and feel and do...? Do I have time to make amends? To whom all should I reach out to?

To do justice to me, I think I have been a more than a decent human being who has made a lot of mistakes...maybe more than the my peers whom I currently know. But when will I make amends to myself? All this feeling of taking for granted is not just applicable for me towards others. But also, I have taken me for granted. I have allowed others to take me for granted. Where do I start to make all wrongs right? Is there time? Some wrongs can never be righted and that's good because one needs a landmark or a milestone to look at and remember the time when one was all that one should not have been.

I am certain that there are none who have not had regrets for not being there when one was required and when one could have made it and also when one could not make it, but one wanted to. But I am also certain that most of us know the value of relations... of love.... of being there...the only problem is that sometimes it becomes too late or it just becomes hopeless. We rue ourselves for taking things for granted. But then we need to or at least I think I need to also realise that I have to look at those times when I have been there, when I have not let people down.

It's not over yet. I can still reach out. But it can not be tomorrow. I need to use my scented candles today, even if I am alone, for what if I am not there tomorrow? I need to find a place to start. Till then, I hope I can be there for people who need me. and that I hope I have been there. That can only be said by people who read this.